Anxiety

Originally Published January 3, 2012


For over four months I've been a dedicated Medifaster who has stuck to the plan, chugged my water, and gotten out on a regular basis to get some exercise.  I have avoided temptations of all varieties...I think the hardest was the first few times I was anywhere within smelling distance of pizza.

A lot of this has to do with planning and environment.  I plan my meals for the week when I'm working (currently on winter break from teaching) and live alone.  I do still eat out - at first I limited it to once a week.  Now, I'm a little more flexible - but still plan and have control of my home environment.  And, if I'm feeling like I can't handle temptation, I keep my act at home and refocus.

Today, this is saving my shrinking backside.

If I were out and about right now, I can tell you exactly where I'd be and what I'd be doing...  I would be on my way to the nearest store that sells the delicious cupcakes that I love with that frosting that's whipped into submission to the point that you can't even detect a grain of sugar because it is so smooth and buttery.  I would be eating that cupcake...or maybe even a little cake (more frosting that way).  

I am having the anxiety attack of my life here and sticking to the plan is what is keeping me in the house, will have me in bed at a decent hour, is sending me to the living room to hula hoop with my weighted hoop and to the kitchen to refill the Camelbak water bottle that has saved me from many a near-accidents.  

Tomorrow morning is my court date to finalize the divorce.  I haven't seen the wasband since mid-September.  I don't want to see him.  I don't want to talk to him.  I have nothing left to say.

My outfit is picked out, ironed and ready to go.  The coffee maker is ready to go for the morning cuppa.  My ride (a friend who has graciously volunteered to go with me to court and then to hit our favorite spot for brunch and cocktails) is confirmed and we've a list of "talking points" to keep me distracted while we wait.

I'm ready.  I'm ready for this to be over and to officially move on.  I'm ready to know that this chapter is closed.  I'm ready to have my name back.

I am ready.

And, to my dear Medifast friends who have been with my since shortly after this chapter of my life took a very bumpy ride and delivered me on the road to regaining myself - THANK YOU!  You have had my back, had the right words when I needed them and have been full of reassurance.  THANK YOU!  You have saved me, as well.

Hugs, love and wishes for everyone to have a brilliant new beginning in this beautiful new year.