Putting It All On the Table

I've shared with a few friends and family that I am doing Medifast.  So, socially, it's been easy (so far) to control my food in social situations.  

Of course, everyone has lots of questions...what can you eat? what do you eat? when do you eat? you drink how much water a day?  I answer everything and know that by putting it all out there, that I'm setting up for a successful weight loss journey.  The people around me will understand my choices and my needs, and being out and about will continue getting easier as I move through this plan.

Last night, two of my best friends were over for dinner and hours of conversation.  We talked about back-to-school issues, family things, personal things, EVERYTHING.  It was one of the best nights I've had in a while.

Over the course of the past week, having all of this time that I'm not cooking, and all this time alone in my house, I've come to the point where I can share my thoughts and feelings about my divorce (in process).  

I spent the first month of this change in my life focusing on getting logistical matters taken care of - closing the mutual bank account, taking his name off of in-case-of-emergency paperwork, changing who has access to my medical information, finding a new place to live, moving, settling in, and starting to focus on me - again.  

Those first weeks flew by and everyone kept commenting on how strong and amazing I was with how I had been handling the loss of my marriage.

Well, the tide changed somewhere in the past ten days.  The anger that had been occasionally rearing its ugly head for brief appearance had dropped its bags in my house and was staying until I did something about it.

I've had a few opportunities in the past week to spend time with friends and family, and share a little bit - or a lot - of what's going through my head, what the past few months were like, and putting all of my feelings, fears and beliefs on the table.

It was scary to start these conversations, but it's easier moving forward having shared what I'm dealing with and what challenges may be ahead of me.

It doesn't matter whether it's a struggle with a relationship or food, having it all out on the table with the people around you makes the detour to your path much smoother.

30 Days of Gratitude

A few years ago, a friend who was going through some tough times starting a regular post on facebook - 30 Days of Gratitude.  

Every day she would post three things she was grateful for.  This was an opportunity for her to focus on the positive things in her life as she recovered from a heart-breaking loss.  

I don't think she knew the impact this would have on the people in her world - or the people in our worlds.

Within a week, I started doing the same.  I did it for three consecutive months.  And I never repeated a thing on my list of what I was grateful for.

You've got it - one month = ninety things I was grateful for...three months = two-hundred and seventy.  Wow!  That's a whole lot of gratitude.

Along my journey with the gratitude posts, friends of mine would start up their own, I'd get messages asking how to do it, and I had the pleasure of seeing the people around me take on the task of finding the things they're grateful for.

I had taken on the gratitude posts three times since my initial ninety days, when a friend reached out - on facebook, of course - and suggested that I do it again, because I "always seemed so happy and positive" when I was doing this.

That was two days after my husband asked for a divorce.

So, immediately after "hearing" my friend's words, I started another 30 Days of Gratitude.

It started with...

30 Days of Grateful, Day #1: 1. Amazing, nurturing, supportive parents 2. The best friends on the planet 3. Adorable, funny, charming, delightful little cousins who loved the hummus, cleaned the inside of my car, and most importantly, reminded me of how much love and happiness is overflowing in my life. To all of you, THANK YOU!!! ♥

And ended with...

‎30 Days of Gratitude, Day #30: 1. A friend who knows when to show up. 2. Not just having to turn off the air - but having to close all the windows 3 hours later and put an extra quilt on the bed. 3. A good book to read - and another waiting. when I'm done.

And in between this, so many other great things happened in my life.

I had found a new place to call home, packed up my apartment, moved into a beautiful new flat - this was all within a week!, unpacked, settled in, continued through the beginning of a new school year, celebrated the birthday of one of the delightful little cousins, had friends and family for dinner, attended festivals, moved on, LIVED - and somewhere in there, started a new journey of getting back to the things that make me ME.  And great things are continuing to happen in my life, everyday.

We all have so much to be grateful for.

What would your 30 Days of Gratitude look like?

The Road Ahead

Okay, I'll admit it - the past month has been one big fat, anger breeding, stress-filled, anxiety producing, doubt dwelling month. Yep, it was. And a whole lot of it really stunk.

And, you know what? That's all the crap that's been in my head.

Why? Because the anger breeding, stress-filled, anxiety producing, doubt dwelling is really what was happening for the two years preceding this past month. Now, there's an admission.

These past few weeks I have had a lot of time to myself - A LOT - to ponder decisions I've made, how I've reacted to others, how I've let others react to me, how I've been treated, how I treated others - okay...enough with the "others!" We all know I'm talking about the person who was my "other" half. Anyhow, a lot of time has been spent reeling through the past two years.

I've come to this conclusion...the same conclusion I came to a month ago...I did everything right. I did. As a wife, as a partner, as a contributing member of our family unit, I did everything right. Except one thing. I didn't take care of myself.

I'm not too far worse off than I was before the relationship began. At that time, I was recovering from a severe ankle/foot sprain that included nerve damage to my foot. It ended what had started to be a great summer of cycling. It threw me off course.

No, the injury didn't throw me into a relationship that would take me off course - but it sure was the start of a maze-like detour for me.

Now, after recovering from that injury, a serious car accident, a spinal surgery, a marriage and now a pending divorce, I am finally finding my way back to my path - again.

Sure there have been other detours. And each time, I enjoy the scenery along the way - just as I do when I'm driving or riding my bike. I learn a few things, maybe get a few scrapes and bruises. But, I come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and more capable of handling things than I was before.

So, here I am - recovering from those scrapes and bruises, picking up the pieces, and moving forward. I'm leaving all of the anger, stress, anxiety and doubt on that detour and bringing that invigorated dose of strength and wisdom with me.

We never know what the future will bring into our lives. I don't know what lies ahead - but I know it will be wonderful.

My journey here is just the beginning, but this will be wonderful, too. I'm so happy to have you along to enjoy this journey.

Let's go great places!