Gratitude, Day 7 - Reunion Weekend

Last night was event number one of the reunion weekend.  We had a meet & greet reception at a fabulous brewery/bar on the river and a great time was had by all.  I quickly slipped in with my girls that I spent my high school career going to pavilion dances and school events with and the time flew right on by.  It is amazing how 20 years can seem like the blink of an eye.

We’ve all moved on with our lives, gone to school, moved around, been married, started our own families, worked a job or two or ten, and have created our adult network – and still spending time together made it feel like little time has passed.  With the age of facebook, email (something we didn’t have in high school), and the ease of communication with all of our “new” technology it has been easy to keep up with some – or many – aspects of each others’ lives.  Even if we haven’t seen someone for 20 years, being their facebook friend has given us some insight into where they are now and what they’ve been up to.  Wow, how the world is changing and whisking us right along with it!

Tonight is a dinner/dance event at a local hotel.  It’s a very cool spot and I’m looking forward to it being filled with Tiger Pride.

30 Days of Gratitude, Day 7: 1. Bridging the gap between old friends.  2. A fabulous gathering of ’92 Tigers.  3. The chance to do it all again tonight.

Go get ‘em, Tigers!

Gratitude

A year ago, I had one of those life experiences that leaves you feeling like the floor suddenly dropped out from under your feet.  I came home from finishing my first week of the school year to my husband asking for a divorce.

The details of this are not important. 

That the people I often refer to as my advisory council were by my side within a half an hour – that is important.  That my parents and these dear friends surrounded me with love, support, encouragement, hugs, and yes, later there was pizza – that is important.  That for the past year each of these people, and so many more, have cheered for me as I’ve picked up the pieces, swept up the mess, put myself back together and become stronger and wiser and more determined than I have ever been – that is important. 

I look back on the past year and am amazed by what I’ve done.  There are so many changes that have happened and each of them brought amazing things into my life.  I live in a fabulous flat with a fabulous landlord – she left baked goods my second day here, supplies me with Sports Illustrated and the occasional bag of produce – seriously, I hit the jackpot here.  I’m in a great, safe neighborhood where I can bike, run, walk, hit the stores, see the family and walk to class.  I picked up running again – and at a time of year when us Wisconsin folks do not start running – winter!  I ended the year with a 5k and started this year with another Polar Bear Plunge.  I took my first completely independent vacation and fell in love Austin, Texas while clearing my head, shaking out the cobwebs, and celebrating my freedom.  I am back in grad school and am almost done with my reading teacher license – something I’ve wanted to do since I was an undergrad.  I am back on my road bike for the first time in three years – alleluia!  I am about to embark on a new adventure in teaching as I move to a new school to work with an incredibly enthusiastic, motivated and energized English department.  I have, more times than I can count or my mom gotten the words out of her mouth, witnessed that yes, mom, everything does happen for a reason. 

This does not even touch on the journey I have been on in my mind and with my body.  If you have been around, you know what I’m talking about.  The running and biking are part of the journey that has changed me inside and out.  I am down about seventy pounds from where I was a year ago.  Yes – that is important!

So many great things have happened in the past year.  It’s not because I’m lucky or followed some how-to self-help book.  It is because I focused on what is positive, didn’t let anger permeate my life and moved forward towards what I want.  I am still on a journey.  It never ends.  There is always something new – a challenge, a job, a class, a book, a relationship – to keep us sharp and fresh.  But I cannot say enough how focusing on what I have and what I want has pulled me through. 

So, today I will again start another month-long journey of focusing on gratitude.  Each day, here and on facebook, I will be posting three things that I am grateful for.  I invite you to share something(s) you are grateful for on my posts or to start your own month-long journey. 

30 Days of Gratitude, Day #1: 1. My family 2. My friends 3. My own strength and determination

Go get ‘em, tigers!

Positive Peer Pressure

When I was a teenager, peer pressure was generally something that was talked about when referring to something I was not supposed to do.

Now that I am an adult, I see that peer pressure can work for and/or against me.  Of course, it may be easier to stand up for myself as an adult – but the temptation to be one of the crowd isn’t all too different than it was twenty plus years ago.

Today, I succumbed to peer pressure. 

A friend posted on facebook about a run he is doing later in the month.  I simply inquired about the event (and threw out a little comment about how he said he’d show up to a run on new year’s eve & do the polar bear plunge on new year’s day but bailed on both) and then the gauntlet was thrown down.  He said he’d show up before and finish before me.  Oh no he didn’t.  That was it.  You KNOW I made my decision then and there to run this event.  I may not have intended on doing any races for a few months – but that changed as soon as a challenge was thrown out for all of the facebook world to see. 

Now, I’m signing my registration form and sending that and my money away for my registration.  Darn peer pressure!

But this is a GOOD peer pressure.  Yes!  Running a 5k is a good thing.   It’s not smoking a cigarette, doing drugs or any of the other things my parents feared when I was a teenager.  I’m sure they’d be thrilled to hear that a little friendly banter persuaded me to sign up for this run. 

AH HA!!!  And what do you know...I just was tagged in a post from another friend that after seeing that I’d signed up for this 5k she just registered for one in her area!  

My succumbing to peer pressure sent another person to sign up for a 5k.  This is fabulous!  This is what I’m talking about.  Positive Peer Pressure!  Bring it on!!!

Oh, my little tigers…you make me so proud!

To my dear friends Ossie (who has been a peer for many, many years – we’re about to celebrate 20 years since our high school graduation) and Melissa (another traveler on the journey to health and wellness), Cheers! to you both!!!

Go get ‘em, tigers!!!

Eating With Friends

I frequently have the opportunity to spend my lunch hour and the occasional social outing with colleagues.  And, of course there are times when I do the same with friends and family.  With the loose summer schedule just around the corner, these opportunities are going to quickly pile up.


These days, I am either enjoying one of my five-a-day Medifast meals, my Lean & Green meal for the day, or sipping on water.  


There were times when it felt weird to be doing something "different" than the rest of the crowd, but I feel differently about that now.  I am making the choice to do what is best for me.  I am good with that and go into these situations not even thinking much about it.   


Somewhere along the line, I got to thinking, "What are they thinking?"  Do the people around me think I'm just the crazy woman eating food that mostly comes in space packets?  Are they thinking that I'm judging them?  If I'm only sipping water, do they think I'm starving myself?  


It can be a strange thing being the kid who's doing her own thing.  Go ahead, sing the "Sesame Street" song in your head - I am!


Yep, I am often eating food that comes in space packets - though by the time they see me with it, it's either mixed up in my little Medifast/Take Shape for Life cup or in an insulated cup.  No, I am not starving myself.  As a matter of fact, I'm not even hungry unless I push the limits with when I need to eat.  And, I am not judging anyone.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE FOOD.  All food.  Ice cream, donuts, cake, frozen custard, butter burgers, fried cheese curds, lasagna, garlic bread, chocolate, pancakes, muffins, cookies, ham, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, sweet potatoes...you get the picture.  And, those things will someday make an appearance passing my lips - on rare occasions.  But, that day is not today.  It is not tomorrow.  It was not yesterday.  


These are my choices regarding food and taking care of me.  I love the people around me and want to spend time socializing and catching up with them.  If it's time for me to eat, I'm going to eat.  If it's time for them to eat, I want them to eat.  And to eat what they want. And if you have something that I can be okay choosing to eat, you can bet I'm going to want some, ask for some, and go ahead and have some.  


Yep, I had a pickle today.  I skipped the brownies.  That's my choice.  And, it's now almost three hours later and I am not regretting that choice.


Eat on, friends.  I'll be at the table with you!  And, if you're coming here, I'll even cook for you!

Bubbly

Originally Published January 4, 2012


Oh, what a day this has been.

I woke up early to be sure that I was properly coiffed and polished for my court appointment.  

I walked in and Michael wasn't there yet.  My friend Karen was with me and we had some light conversation while we waited for things to get rolling.  When Michael finally showed up, a load of weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

The man who told everyone he could that I couldn't take care of my health and my weight showed up having gained weight - and still a smoker.  He looked horrible.  

Not that I wanted to stick it to him, but it really felt good to show up feeling great and looking fabulous after everything he had put me through.  And that he was in worse shape than when I last saw him - well, I've heard a thing or two about karma.

The whole process just boosted my confidence, as I sat and listened to the court commissioner read through our paperwork and list off assets and debts.  While we are each leaving with what we came into the marriage with, that leaves me with my retirement accounts and student loans - and Michael with his car loan.  No savings.  No retirement.  Just a new job that is paying less than he was making in his last permanent position.

I knew in August that I was in a better situation as far as finances and being able to take care of myself.  However, hearing it all out loud - from the mouth of a stranger with just the facts in front of him - well, it really said a lot about the whole situation.  It made me look at myself in a different light.

I bring a lot to the table.  I brought a lot to the table in my marriage.  I left with all of those things - and more.  I've regained my confidence, my health, my life and my sense of direction and purpose.

Was today a day I've been dreading for months?  YES!  Without a doubt.  There was a lot of anxiety and self-doubt leading up to this morning.

Did I end the day feeling stronger than ever?  ABSOLUTELY!

Am I ready to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow?  Yes...well, maybe that's just the bottle of Taittinger talking!

The picture: Flowers from friends, the great bicycle print we found while enjoying some retail therapy this afternoon, an empty bottle of Taittinger...I just cleared the last glass.  Oh, water!!!

Anxiety

Originally Published January 3, 2012


For over four months I've been a dedicated Medifaster who has stuck to the plan, chugged my water, and gotten out on a regular basis to get some exercise.  I have avoided temptations of all varieties...I think the hardest was the first few times I was anywhere within smelling distance of pizza.

A lot of this has to do with planning and environment.  I plan my meals for the week when I'm working (currently on winter break from teaching) and live alone.  I do still eat out - at first I limited it to once a week.  Now, I'm a little more flexible - but still plan and have control of my home environment.  And, if I'm feeling like I can't handle temptation, I keep my act at home and refocus.

Today, this is saving my shrinking backside.

If I were out and about right now, I can tell you exactly where I'd be and what I'd be doing...  I would be on my way to the nearest store that sells the delicious cupcakes that I love with that frosting that's whipped into submission to the point that you can't even detect a grain of sugar because it is so smooth and buttery.  I would be eating that cupcake...or maybe even a little cake (more frosting that way).  

I am having the anxiety attack of my life here and sticking to the plan is what is keeping me in the house, will have me in bed at a decent hour, is sending me to the living room to hula hoop with my weighted hoop and to the kitchen to refill the Camelbak water bottle that has saved me from many a near-accidents.  

Tomorrow morning is my court date to finalize the divorce.  I haven't seen the wasband since mid-September.  I don't want to see him.  I don't want to talk to him.  I have nothing left to say.

My outfit is picked out, ironed and ready to go.  The coffee maker is ready to go for the morning cuppa.  My ride (a friend who has graciously volunteered to go with me to court and then to hit our favorite spot for brunch and cocktails) is confirmed and we've a list of "talking points" to keep me distracted while we wait.

I'm ready.  I'm ready for this to be over and to officially move on.  I'm ready to know that this chapter is closed.  I'm ready to have my name back.

I am ready.

And, to my dear Medifast friends who have been with my since shortly after this chapter of my life took a very bumpy ride and delivered me on the road to regaining myself - THANK YOU!  You have had my back, had the right words when I needed them and have been full of reassurance.  THANK YOU!  You have saved me, as well.

Hugs, love and wishes for everyone to have a brilliant new beginning in this beautiful new year.

Playing Catch Up

Originally Published December 30, 2011


Yes, I have been very successful with my Medifast journey.  Yes, my statistics on the program are pretty incredible.  Yes, I'm running and working out and doing the things I set out to do when I started this adventure.  Yes, I feel a million times better about myself, my health and my future than I did when I started.

These are all great and amazing things to be able to say.  I am grateful beyond words.

However, my brain and eyes have not caught up with this.  

Sure, there are days when I see myself in the mirror and think, "Hey, there...you're doing awfully great, missy!"  There are days that I'm in the shower thinking, "When did you get cheekbones?" or "When did your calves stop looking like your father's?"  There are mornings when I'm doing my makeup and wonder "When did your eyes appear?" or "Where did that pesky double chin go?"

Yep...those days and moments are around.

But, I see friends and here them constantly compliment my progress and the state of my physical being (which I am really starting to grow comfortable with and am able to say "thank you" without getting the shakes) and I wonder what they see.  Really.

This morning I was having breakfast with one of my best friends.  She lost over 70 lbs. a few years ago so knows a thing or two about what I'm dealing with.  I said this to her when the conversation turned to my progress and where I am in the program: "I don't know what you see when you look at me.  I don't know what the guys at the next table see when they look at me.  But, I know, that what I see isn't always what everyone else sees.  There are days that I think the scale is wrong.  There are days when I think that I'm getting bigger in the hips and thighs that I know I am."

I then went on to explain that last week I went through my ENTIRE wardrobe of clothes - from what I knew was too big to what I thought would be a size too small (I inherited this friend's clothes going down another size or so from where I am today).  This includes all of my athletic clothing (running, biking, swimming), all seasons of clothes, underwear, bras, shoes, pants, dresses, skirts...EVERYTHING!  I've done this about three times so far on my journey (at LEAST three times).  This time, I had to move the majority of things to the donate bins in the spare bedroom...including some of my favorite bike jerseys, Jones New York dresses (sigh...), fabulous shoes...lots of stuff is out of the closet.  I even discovered that EVERY pair of running shorts I own are too big.  TOO BIG?!?!?  Yes, too big!  I haven't been wearing them because I live in Wisconsin, I run outside, and I don't think blue legs are a good thing.  Even the fabulous Adidas shorts that I bought during my last round of weight loss when I got down to about 205 (just over 20 pounds from where I am now)...and they were too snug to even think about wearing then.  They are too big!  

Yesterday, I was having a little fit of self-doubt and my brain was playing evil games with me.  So, I pulled out those Adidas shorts - and yes, they are still too big.

So, the scale must be telling the truth.  My body must be slimmer than what I'm seeing.  

Somehow, I've got to get my brain to catch up with the rest of me.  I'm hoping that some time away (my trip to Austin is in just over a week) and other changes happening this week will help free my mind from some of the other things occupying it's time and space.  

Another Year Wiser

Originally Published October 30, 2011


On Friday I celebrated my 37th birthday.  It was a beautiful day that started and ended with positive thoughts, being surrounded by people that love me, and was full of reminders of how lucky I am.

I think there may have been a few people in my circle that thought it would be a difficult week for me.  Wednesday was the anniversary of my engagement and last year my then-fiance threw a surprise birthday party for me.  Well, this year I'm in a new place - mentally, physically, and spiritually. 

On Thursday afternoon, I sold my engagement ring.  It was time to let go of the one item in my house that represented my marriage and my husband.  It is now gone and I am happy to not have that ghost lurking in the back of my closet.  My fresh start is now complete!

I spent the days before and after my birthday also surrounded by friends and family.  It's been a great weekend!

On Friday night, after dinner with friends and my best friend's home with her family, a bowl of beautiful fruit salad was brought out, with a candle sticking up out of a banana slice.  It was beautiful.  They weren't sure what to do, thought I wasn't eating fruit, but figured it was that or a bell pepper.  Sure, I'd have eaten the bell pepper - but they enjoyed the fruit salad while I sipped on a MF Chocolate Pudding shake.  It was perfect!

As I look back on my birthday celebrations, I am happy to know that I am surrounded by people that I trust, that have my best interests at heart and that are able to celebrate that I have moved into a new chapter of my life - leaving behind an unhealthy marriage, an unhealthy lifestyle and moving towards the life I want to live.  The people around me see the changes happening - in me and in the choices I make - and they are celebrating every victory with me.  

Since starting this program, I have lost 49.4 pounds.  I have gone down almost three full sizes.  I have gained a level of self confidence that I haven't had for quite some time.  I have started running again.  I have the energy to do all of the things I want to do with my friends and family.  And, I have put myself first - where I always should have been.

It is such a blessing to have been able to look towards this new year knowing that I have taken control of my life and my health - and to know that before my next birthday, I will be healthier than I can ever remember being.  

Here's to a healthier year for all of us!

Dealing With the Emotions

Originally Published September 18, 2011

***This began as a response to some posts on the "September Starters 2011" thread.  I think it's appropriate to share, as we're all dealing with some of this.

Oh, friends...

We are all wading our way through this and I think we all need to take a minute and realize how awesome of a decision we have made. We have committed to follow this path and find our way to a healthy weight. I hope we all get to the goal line of this journey.

While we're all dealing with different issues and ended up here for different reasons, it sounds like there are many commonalities and that we're at or close to the same point in our journey is wonderful.

Emotional eating. Oh my. Yes! Sure am. Hand is in the air. That's me.

However, I promised myself that I wouldn't let that get me and I meant it.

A friend referred to this as my "divorce diet" yesterday and I told her, "Yes. True. But, I'm in this for the long haul." She was super excited for me. I'm not just doing this because I'm going through a divorce (If I weren't doing this, I'd be eating my way through the ice cream section of every grocery store in town, thank you Ben & Jerry!). I'm doing this because I DESERVE BETTER!

And so do the rest of you. We all do.

One of the things I do when I'm craving something, or have that urge (though there really haven't been many...yet) is to drink my water. I'm in the 20 cups a day ballpark. I get about 11 in before I come home from school. And, now that I'm looking at the bottle I use (my green 750 ml Camelbak), it's more than 3 cups per bottle. But, I count 3. I'm drinking so much water that when I'm not eating something, I'm usually full - of water!

I'm experimenting with different vegetables and I'm having so much fun. It's easy to get in a rut - and I certainly do, but I try to do something different each time if I am repeating veggies. I love cooking, so this is my outlet for that. Because soaking oatmeal and chili and adding some zip to them is NOT cooking.

As I head into a new week, I am focused on making everyday an on program day, drinking LOTS of water and treating myself and my body with respect. I wish the same for all of you.

*** 

I needed to come back, because I didn't get to everything that was in my head when responding just...a few minutes ago.

There's a lot that we're working on.  Part of that is our emotions.  Yes.

For me, this is an obvious thing - because I'm going through a major life-changing event.  Granted, it's one that will take a few months to see it's resolution.  But, the past six weeks have been one crazy ride for me.  I won't bore you with the details (see more of my blog if you're interested - you may find a thing or two that could help you, or at least let you know you are not alone on this journey), but I have been digging through my emotions for a bit, now.

Right now, there's no way I could get through even one hour of this program without facing my emotions.  I am making very conscious choices throughout the day, everyday.

It would be REALLY EASY for me to have moved forward from the night my husband told me he wanted a divorce and spent the next few months trying to make myself feel better with cheesecake, pizza, ice cream...frozen custard (if you've never had it - it's amazing, but not something any of us need to be thinking about).  I could have done that, sure.  But, I'd be MORE unhealthy, MORE fat, MORE unhappy, MORE stuck in an unhealthy relationship - with food!

Every day I do things that will make my life better.  Whether it's making my bed as soon as I wake up, doing the dishes when I'm done eating or making my shake, planning my meals, sticking to the list at the grocery store, saying "No, thank you." when offered pizza on three separate occasions this week, telling my friends what I need from them - in regards to support as I go through the divorce and in spending time together and what my choices regarding food will include, telling my parents what I need as far as more or less contact and face-time. 

If I've learned anything (and I'm at the very beginning of all of this), it is that I need to take care of myself.  Oh, yeah...sounds obvious, easy and like it's a given.  Well, that includes a lot more than we think.  I need to advocate for myself.  I need to ask for help.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I need to ASK FOR HELP.  I bet you do, too.

Last weekend - well, a few days before, but who's marking the calendar? - I had a cathartic experience.  I finally hit the point where I was able to talk about the divorce (see blog about putting everything on the table). My family and friends had/still have lots of questions for me.  But, I was able to open up, let people know where I'm at with everything.  Whether it's dealing with the divorce or the food, the people around me need to know what I'm dealing with - how I feel, what my food plan looks like, what a Lean & Green is, what my food looks like, how much I'm willing to share - if they are going to be able to help me through these simultaneous journeys that I am on. 

I did put everything on the table last week.  And, I'm continuing to do so everyday.  I'm continuing to work towards a healthier and happier Jennifer.  If I don't, who will?  And, as much work as this is for me, I have asked the people in my life to help me.  I have even asked my students to stop offering me candy, birthday cupcakes, etc.  They know I love them. They know I'll be happy to celebrate with them - with my bottle of water or a piece of sugar-free gum.

Don't be afraid to include the people around you in your journey.  Whatever it is you're dealing with, it's not just about the food.  We need to take stock of where we are and plan to make everyday better.

If I can, you can.

Now, let's do this!

Learning

Originally Published September 5, 2011


All day I was looking forward to having some time with my two besties tonight.  Well, one was sick.  We get it.  Stay home, get better, see you next weekend.

Then, I get a text from the other saying that they just got in from a family cook-out and that if I still want her to come and want some company, call.  Otherwise, it would be nice to get the kids settled and stay home.

Well, I didn't call.  I exploded into a big emotional pile of tears.

Everything that has been bugging me lately was why I was crying.  Divorce, being alone, feeling like a big failure, now even my friends don't want to come over...

Oh yeah...I was having a big pity party right in my house - all by myself.  

All while sipping away at my bottle of water.

Then, the phone rang.  I knew who it would be - and I had better answer it, or there'd be a knock at the door in 20 minutes.

Well, I did answer, and she came over anyhow.

We had a great visit, great conversation, great everything.  She even ate up some of the things that are in the house that I will not be eating.

Then, she apologized.  She said her head was up her behind and that she was sorry.  She knew I wouldn't ask her to come - but she knew she needed to.  For me as much as for her.  

Sure, I could have texted back or called saying, "Come on over!"

And, yes...I got a few tears out.  And, I got a few more out when she was here.

Sometimes, I just need to put on my big girl pants (that will not always be big) and ask for help.

Other times, it's really nice when the help knows to show up.

Sweet September

Originally published on September 1, 2011

In my parts it is the first day of school for most of my teacher friends and the children in my life.  Nevermind that I'm about to finish up my fifth week of teaching this school year.

I'm excited for September first because it's a fresh start for so many different things.  It's when our brains start preparing for autumn - my favorite season, the temperatures get a little more comfortable, the central air is off most of the time, and young minds are focused (most of the time) on learning new things.

This September first is special for a completely new reason.  My first Medifast order is coming TODAY!!! 

Yes, I've been following a modified version of the plan since Monday. Yes, weight has been coming off.  And, yes, I am prepared. 

Last night I reread some important plan information, connected with a few more people on the discussion boards, made a few more friends, followed a bunch of Medifast folks on twitter, added my health coach as a facebook friend, and planned my first week of Lean & Greens. 

Yes, the shopping list is ready - with a few important additions - and so am I!

In preparing for my first order and tomorrow being my first day of 5 & 1, I also shared my new journey with my three closest friends.  They have been by my side for many years, through many dating escapades, through a few apartments, through my almost-over marriage, and they all helped me move into my beautiful new flat two weeks ago.  They've been my cycling, running, swimming, triathlon pals over the years - my teaching partners, classmates, inspiration - they're my besties. 

I was a little concerned about how the reactions would go. WHAT was I thinking?

This is my favorite response...

"I was eating lunch Sunday at the Chicago Aquarium and watching the triathalon along the lake through the windows. One of my favorite thoughts of you is that one summer when you were constantly stripping down and jumping in Lake Michigan to swim. I never got to see it for myself, but the thought always makes me smile. I'm excited for you to be in a position where you can start moving that strong body of yours again."

I'm excited, too.

Putting It All On the Table

I've shared with a few friends and family that I am doing Medifast.  So, socially, it's been easy (so far) to control my food in social situations.  

Of course, everyone has lots of questions...what can you eat? what do you eat? when do you eat? you drink how much water a day?  I answer everything and know that by putting it all out there, that I'm setting up for a successful weight loss journey.  The people around me will understand my choices and my needs, and being out and about will continue getting easier as I move through this plan.

Last night, two of my best friends were over for dinner and hours of conversation.  We talked about back-to-school issues, family things, personal things, EVERYTHING.  It was one of the best nights I've had in a while.

Over the course of the past week, having all of this time that I'm not cooking, and all this time alone in my house, I've come to the point where I can share my thoughts and feelings about my divorce (in process).  

I spent the first month of this change in my life focusing on getting logistical matters taken care of - closing the mutual bank account, taking his name off of in-case-of-emergency paperwork, changing who has access to my medical information, finding a new place to live, moving, settling in, and starting to focus on me - again.  

Those first weeks flew by and everyone kept commenting on how strong and amazing I was with how I had been handling the loss of my marriage.

Well, the tide changed somewhere in the past ten days.  The anger that had been occasionally rearing its ugly head for brief appearance had dropped its bags in my house and was staying until I did something about it.

I've had a few opportunities in the past week to spend time with friends and family, and share a little bit - or a lot - of what's going through my head, what the past few months were like, and putting all of my feelings, fears and beliefs on the table.

It was scary to start these conversations, but it's easier moving forward having shared what I'm dealing with and what challenges may be ahead of me.

It doesn't matter whether it's a struggle with a relationship or food, having it all out on the table with the people around you makes the detour to your path much smoother.