An A-Ha! Moment

I posted this earlier tonight in an online forum on the Medifast site. 

For about 5 seconds I felt I was about to be in a situation that moved me backwards - but I've got to learn - just like on this journey - that I can't always have what I want NOW. I have to work through the process, learn some lessons, put in the hard work.

Holy crap...there was an epiphany! I just wrote my way right through this.   

Can't even delete it because I will need to come back to this.

That's right I need to come back to this.  It is true for every avenue of life.  I want things and I want them NOW.  Anyone else feel the same about things?

And, as much as I may try to get everything I want at the exact time I want it, sometimes it just is not possible.  Maybe it is impossible.  Maybe it's not a good idea.  Maybe it is one of those things that you just should not rush.

Some things take time.  Many things require hard work.  Many things include lessons to be learned.  Life is a process.

Well, I'll be!

I've spent the past year working on getting myself healthy - inside and out.  Mentally, physically and emotionally.  It's been hard work.  I've fallen a few times.  And I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and continued on my journey one more time than I've fallen.  And, if I fall again, I'll pick myself up again.  So it has been going on this journey to a healthier life.

And, so it goes for many other things.

Sure, when I decided that I was going to finish my Reading Teacher license, I wished it could have already been done.  But, I'm going through the process and now, it's almost done.  Just my practicum left and it's over.  

This is so true for many things in our lives.  Maybe it's school, learning something new, picking up a new activity, losing weight, changing careers, moving, a relationship...  Whatever it is, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well.  And if it's worth doing well, there are going to be things that need to be done along the way to keep the train rolling towards the finish line.

So, I'm in.  Taking the journey.  Enjoying the ride.  Putting in the work.  Learning the lessons.

Go get 'em, tigers!

 

No More Stay-Puff Marshmallow Girl

Just under a year ago I began a journey.  I was freshly separated and on a path to take back my life and my body.

Some time in October, I got my running groove back.  I ran a series of five 5k races over the cold, snowy winter months us Wisconsinites love so dearly.  I jumped into Lake Michigan on New Year's Day with all of the other Polar Bear Plungers.  I took a "Freedom Trip" to Austin, TX and ran and biked to my heart's content the week after my divorce was final.  I've returned to road biking recently.  I'm off to another change with a new teaching assignment this fall.  I returned to grad school and will be finishing my masters degree in May.  I have made countless friends through this program - friends that have supported me through my personal evolution and continue to cheer me on, while I do the same.  This past weekend, I had the opportunity to meet three of them live and in the flesh - what a great Friday and Saturday we had.  I am in a relationship where I feel valued, appreciated, treasured, and respected.

Life is good.

This morning, I ran the Dirty Girl Mud Run with a team of my former colleagues and other friends.  Many of these ladies I haven't seen in at least a year.  They have seen pictures and posts on facebook, but no face-to-face contact.  It was an amazing experience on so many levels.  Just awesome!
The before picture is from my cousin's wedding last May.  I thought I looked fabulous.  My mom received this picture from my cousin's wife a few months ago.  My mom pulled me aside, with tears in her eyes, to show it to me...to "show me how far I've come."  Of course, my mom is a mom and tells everyone she can how amazing I am and how great I have done over the past year.  Moms...they're the best!

The after picture is from before this morning's Dirty Girl Mud Run.  We were Team Tutu Dirty.  The Tutu is in a trash dumpster somewhere, the shoes were donated to a worthy cause, but the feeling in my heart - and the pain in my body from climbing, crawling, jumping, running, slithering - is with me.  The pain will go away in a day or two.  The feeling of accomplishment - that's one of those things that sticks with you for a good long while.

I have a bit to go before I reach my weight goal.  However, the goal I told my health coach when I started was to be able to run and bike and take part in the events that I love to participate in.  Friends, I'm there!

To all of you just starting out - you CAN do this!

To my friends that I have gathered into my arms along the way - I LOVE each and every one of you.  Thank you for your unconditional love and support.

Go get 'em, tigers!!!

Me, 20 Years Later

I survived the reunion weekend, had a fabulous time with old classmates, rocked the dance floor for a little longer than my hair could handle and am looking forward to staying in touch with many of these friends.

Saturday morning the challenge was thrown out to change our facebook profile pictures to a picture from high school.  We ended up using our senior pictures.  This was a lot of fun – scrolling through the fb feed and seeing everyone as they were twenty years ago.

Before heading out on Saturday night, I snapped a picture of myself.  It wasn’t until this morning that I looked at the picture.  It is far too similar to my senior picture.  My hair even looks the same!  Incredible!

Having spent a few minutes playing with the pictures to create a side-by-side comparison shot, I had some time to reflect on the me of 1992 and the me of today.

In 1992, I didn’t know where I was going or who I was.  I was 17.  I knew where I was going to college and what I would major in – but that was just about it.  I was passionate about a lot of things, but was just learning how to express that and take a stand.

Today, I know who I am.  I know what I value.  I know where I am going – or at least have a plan…I’m always open to new options.  I am confident in who I am, what I believe, what I do.  I can express myself clearly and am not afraid to stand up for myself.  I go after what I want.  I take care of the people I love and stand up for them.  I try to make each day better than the one before – and to make myself better than I was the day before.  I focus on gratitude and being positive and don’t let other people’s choices pull me off track.  I work hard to be great at what I do and help others do the same.  I am evolving and am enjoying the journey.

The journey is an amazing thing.

Go get ‘em, tigers!

Gratitude

A year ago, I had one of those life experiences that leaves you feeling like the floor suddenly dropped out from under your feet.  I came home from finishing my first week of the school year to my husband asking for a divorce.

The details of this are not important. 

That the people I often refer to as my advisory council were by my side within a half an hour – that is important.  That my parents and these dear friends surrounded me with love, support, encouragement, hugs, and yes, later there was pizza – that is important.  That for the past year each of these people, and so many more, have cheered for me as I’ve picked up the pieces, swept up the mess, put myself back together and become stronger and wiser and more determined than I have ever been – that is important. 

I look back on the past year and am amazed by what I’ve done.  There are so many changes that have happened and each of them brought amazing things into my life.  I live in a fabulous flat with a fabulous landlord – she left baked goods my second day here, supplies me with Sports Illustrated and the occasional bag of produce – seriously, I hit the jackpot here.  I’m in a great, safe neighborhood where I can bike, run, walk, hit the stores, see the family and walk to class.  I picked up running again – and at a time of year when us Wisconsin folks do not start running – winter!  I ended the year with a 5k and started this year with another Polar Bear Plunge.  I took my first completely independent vacation and fell in love Austin, Texas while clearing my head, shaking out the cobwebs, and celebrating my freedom.  I am back in grad school and am almost done with my reading teacher license – something I’ve wanted to do since I was an undergrad.  I am back on my road bike for the first time in three years – alleluia!  I am about to embark on a new adventure in teaching as I move to a new school to work with an incredibly enthusiastic, motivated and energized English department.  I have, more times than I can count or my mom gotten the words out of her mouth, witnessed that yes, mom, everything does happen for a reason. 

This does not even touch on the journey I have been on in my mind and with my body.  If you have been around, you know what I’m talking about.  The running and biking are part of the journey that has changed me inside and out.  I am down about seventy pounds from where I was a year ago.  Yes – that is important!

So many great things have happened in the past year.  It’s not because I’m lucky or followed some how-to self-help book.  It is because I focused on what is positive, didn’t let anger permeate my life and moved forward towards what I want.  I am still on a journey.  It never ends.  There is always something new – a challenge, a job, a class, a book, a relationship – to keep us sharp and fresh.  But I cannot say enough how focusing on what I have and what I want has pulled me through. 

So, today I will again start another month-long journey of focusing on gratitude.  Each day, here and on facebook, I will be posting three things that I am grateful for.  I invite you to share something(s) you are grateful for on my posts or to start your own month-long journey. 

30 Days of Gratitude, Day #1: 1. My family 2. My friends 3. My own strength and determination

Go get ‘em, tigers!

Smelling the Roses

Yesterday I won my second Biggest Loser title in 15 days.  

The first was in a month long contest run by my health coach in our facebook group.  I was shocked to be the winner in that one, not because I wasn't dedicated to the program, getting in my exercise, drinking plenty - and then some - of water.  I was thrilled to win and to have won in the face of many others who are committed to their journey to optimal health.

Yesterday I was awarded the title in the contest at work.  The school nurse presented me with a notice of the contest results and then the secretary handed over some much-loved cash.  In this contest, I was pretty much certain from day 1 that I would walk away with my colleague's money.  It wasn't just that I am doing this fabulous program and am dedicated to reaching my goals.  I spent the past 8 weeks being tempted (and, I openly admit – succumbing to the temptations MANY times) by the tasty foods and snacks that were passing down the school hallway or being cooked up by my colleagues.  Even with this temptations and often-weakened resolve (tell me you could pass up on the offer of a corned beef sandwich), I kept on track with most of 95% of my plan and continued to guzzle my water and get my walk, bike, run game on.  These choices made the difference. 

Each victory is something that I am proud of - another feather in my cap on my journey towards my goal and optimal health.

Last night I was out with friends from high school at an event to recruit our peers for the reunion in August.  A year ago, I would have told you that I have no intent on going to a reunion.  Since November, I have been working with my friends to plan the upcoming reunion and have enjoyed many evenings out with this group and others that have been pulled into the fold.  Again, there were compliments on how "great" I am looking.  And the friend who said I look like I’m 28 (bless his exaggerating heart!) wins compliment of the night.  

As I was driving home last night, I was thinking about how I didn't feel like the fat girl and I didn't spend my night worrying about what people thought when I ordered a drink or food and I wasn't tugging on my clothes trying to cover up  rolls of fat.  On so many levels, I was experiencing my new normal - and it felt AMAZING!   To think that there’s more of this ahead of me as I move closer to my goal…make my head spin!

Even better, when I got in early this morning, my fitbit sent me a badge for flights climbed and I'd topped my daily step goal...without going for a run or a walk yesterday.

Friends, go out there and claim your life, move yourselves towards optimal health, and ENJOY your life!  There are great things out there for us!

Go get 'em, tigers!

Wrapping Up the May Challenge

As I have said a few times in the past weeks, I am part of a challenge in my health coach's facebook group.  Each day had a theme and every week included a weigh in, complete with a picture of my feet on the scale that had to be posted to the group.  Talk about an accountability check...

Today was the last day of the challenge.  I went into this week leary of what my final scale number would be, as I'm feeling bloated and exhausted from my cycle - but decided to set my head right.  I have been on track all month and have been doing great.  The daily themes have kept me focused on my goals, choices and making sure I am doing everything I need to be successful in creating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and weight.  This even included a rest day on Sundays.

Lynn, my incredible health coach, posted the following today:

“As we draw to the end of this competition I wanted to say that I am proud of each and everyone of you group wide. The support, the team spirit have all been phenomenal. I have seen real changes in you, changes that I am sure will last and shine through in your new lifestyle. This is such a great place to come to, first thing in the morning, in the evening, or even throughout the day. 

One of the keys to success is to surround yourself with others who have the same goals as you do. I believe we have accomplished that. How many of you are now aware of your daily steps? How many of you have increased your amount of water? Learned new tips or recipes? What is your take away from this last competition and what would you like to see as we move forward? 

You are all winners, welcome to your new lifestyle :)”

From others on the team I have gained some new perspective on my journey – whether it be about taking one day and one meal at a time or appreciating each day as a step in the right direction.  I have found new ideas for food and have even incorporated a few of them into my menu. 

As I move forward, I’m continuing to pay closer attention to my total steps for the day and not just taking time for a walk, run or bike ride.  I make an effort to have more steps in each day.  My water consumption continues to be high – but now I’m focusing on shaking that up a bit while still staying in the guidelines of the program.  I’ve been trying some different fruits and vegetables in my water and have a system going at home for this. 

Overall, this past month has really helped me examine why I am on this journey and what I hope to gain from it.  Of course I’m happy to see the scale reflect my hard work, but how I feel and how I carry myself is a reward that a number on the scale can’t do on its own.

Now, onto new adventures in the month of June. 

Go get ‘em, tigers!

The Road Ahead

Okay, I'll admit it - the past month has been one big fat, anger breeding, stress-filled, anxiety producing, doubt dwelling month. Yep, it was. And a whole lot of it really stunk.

And, you know what? That's all the crap that's been in my head.

Why? Because the anger breeding, stress-filled, anxiety producing, doubt dwelling is really what was happening for the two years preceding this past month. Now, there's an admission.

These past few weeks I have had a lot of time to myself - A LOT - to ponder decisions I've made, how I've reacted to others, how I've let others react to me, how I've been treated, how I treated others - okay...enough with the "others!" We all know I'm talking about the person who was my "other" half. Anyhow, a lot of time has been spent reeling through the past two years.

I've come to this conclusion...the same conclusion I came to a month ago...I did everything right. I did. As a wife, as a partner, as a contributing member of our family unit, I did everything right. Except one thing. I didn't take care of myself.

I'm not too far worse off than I was before the relationship began. At that time, I was recovering from a severe ankle/foot sprain that included nerve damage to my foot. It ended what had started to be a great summer of cycling. It threw me off course.

No, the injury didn't throw me into a relationship that would take me off course - but it sure was the start of a maze-like detour for me.

Now, after recovering from that injury, a serious car accident, a spinal surgery, a marriage and now a pending divorce, I am finally finding my way back to my path - again.

Sure there have been other detours. And each time, I enjoy the scenery along the way - just as I do when I'm driving or riding my bike. I learn a few things, maybe get a few scrapes and bruises. But, I come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and more capable of handling things than I was before.

So, here I am - recovering from those scrapes and bruises, picking up the pieces, and moving forward. I'm leaving all of the anger, stress, anxiety and doubt on that detour and bringing that invigorated dose of strength and wisdom with me.

We never know what the future will bring into our lives. I don't know what lies ahead - but I know it will be wonderful.

My journey here is just the beginning, but this will be wonderful, too. I'm so happy to have you along to enjoy this journey.

Let's go great places!