Finding Your Happy Place

Originally Published April 26, 2012


We all have different needs and different lifestyles.  When it comes to our Medifast journey, these things come into play.  You need to figure out what you need in terms of support and go out and get it for yourself!  

Do you have a coach?  

• How's that working out for you?  
• Do you communicate with your coach as often as you'd like?  
• Too much?  
• Sick of phone calls?  
• Don't like email?

What's your support network?  

• Do you have friends doing MF?  
• Have you made friends on the mymedifast site? 
• Are you blogging? 
• Do you post questions? 
• Have you thoughtfully and considerately replied to someone's question?  
• Do you comment on blogs to give a high five or a pat on the back to a fellow traveler on this journey?

Have you linked up with some MF resources out their in the land of social networking?

• Are you a tweeter or facebooker?    
• Are you in an MF friendly facebook group?  
• Do you tweet each meal?

You don't need to be doing ALL of these things.  I'm not doing ALL of these things.  But, I am doing the things that meet my needs.  

THAT'S what we all need to do.

Figure out what works for you and your lifestyle.  

Communicate that with your coach and find support here or in your "real" world.  

Whatever it is you do, you need to advocate for YOU to make this journey work FOR you.

Go get 'em, tigers!

Struggling

Originally Published April 14, 2012

I am struggling.  

There, I said it.  Now you know.

The past few weeks have seen me yo-yo-ing all over the place with food.  I have made more poor food choices in the past month than I did during the time I was in transition and then the short time that I was off program completely.

I have spent a lot of time in my head trying to work through the what, why, how of my behavior...as I have spent the past few months figuring out why my zeal for the program is not what it was a few months ago.

I've come to a few conclusions and decisions.

First, when I started this program at the end of August, I was fresh out of my marriage and starting to spread my wings and figure out what was next.  There was a lot of hurt, anger and buckets full of determination to put myself back together again.  Piles of motivation and armfuls of encouragement were all around me.  Add to that the goal of showing up to the court date a different person...  Well, you get the picture.

Second, I've come out on the other side of that experience.  I pulled myself up by my bootstraps in every conceivable way and have moved forward with confidence and have all of the things going on in my life that I want.

Finally, with all of this great progress, there is a lot of overwhelming thoughts and experiences.  And, my plate is wobbling and overflowing with life.  This is good.  No, it's fantastic!  But, it's really a challenge to keep it all together.

I'm kicking butt in grad school, I'm doing great with my friends, my family thinks I'm amazing, I've been dating someone who appreciates and understands ME..but this taking care of myself, my health, and staying active...it has fallen far to the wayside.

It isn't off the radar, it's just in the gutter.  Sometimes the wind blows it into the center lane...but it quickly gets passed by a looming deadline, papers to grade, a get-together with friends, a date with that handsome man and lately, the final project for the semester.

As I near the completion of this project and look forward to the last weeks of the school year, a summer of some rest and probably lots of homework and then whatever is ahead, I know that I need to grab control of things and get down to the brass tacks.

I've cleaned out the house of any remnant of poor food choices, meals for tomorrow are prepared, my next order is shipping in a few days.

I've dusted off the hoops and hand weights and have my clothes ready for the gym.

I can do this!

Bubbly

Originally Published January 4, 2012


Oh, what a day this has been.

I woke up early to be sure that I was properly coiffed and polished for my court appointment.  

I walked in and Michael wasn't there yet.  My friend Karen was with me and we had some light conversation while we waited for things to get rolling.  When Michael finally showed up, a load of weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

The man who told everyone he could that I couldn't take care of my health and my weight showed up having gained weight - and still a smoker.  He looked horrible.  

Not that I wanted to stick it to him, but it really felt good to show up feeling great and looking fabulous after everything he had put me through.  And that he was in worse shape than when I last saw him - well, I've heard a thing or two about karma.

The whole process just boosted my confidence, as I sat and listened to the court commissioner read through our paperwork and list off assets and debts.  While we are each leaving with what we came into the marriage with, that leaves me with my retirement accounts and student loans - and Michael with his car loan.  No savings.  No retirement.  Just a new job that is paying less than he was making in his last permanent position.

I knew in August that I was in a better situation as far as finances and being able to take care of myself.  However, hearing it all out loud - from the mouth of a stranger with just the facts in front of him - well, it really said a lot about the whole situation.  It made me look at myself in a different light.

I bring a lot to the table.  I brought a lot to the table in my marriage.  I left with all of those things - and more.  I've regained my confidence, my health, my life and my sense of direction and purpose.

Was today a day I've been dreading for months?  YES!  Without a doubt.  There was a lot of anxiety and self-doubt leading up to this morning.

Did I end the day feeling stronger than ever?  ABSOLUTELY!

Am I ready to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow?  Yes...well, maybe that's just the bottle of Taittinger talking!

The picture: Flowers from friends, the great bicycle print we found while enjoying some retail therapy this afternoon, an empty bottle of Taittinger...I just cleared the last glass.  Oh, water!!!

Dealing With the Emotions

Originally Published September 18, 2011

***This began as a response to some posts on the "September Starters 2011" thread.  I think it's appropriate to share, as we're all dealing with some of this.

Oh, friends...

We are all wading our way through this and I think we all need to take a minute and realize how awesome of a decision we have made. We have committed to follow this path and find our way to a healthy weight. I hope we all get to the goal line of this journey.

While we're all dealing with different issues and ended up here for different reasons, it sounds like there are many commonalities and that we're at or close to the same point in our journey is wonderful.

Emotional eating. Oh my. Yes! Sure am. Hand is in the air. That's me.

However, I promised myself that I wouldn't let that get me and I meant it.

A friend referred to this as my "divorce diet" yesterday and I told her, "Yes. True. But, I'm in this for the long haul." She was super excited for me. I'm not just doing this because I'm going through a divorce (If I weren't doing this, I'd be eating my way through the ice cream section of every grocery store in town, thank you Ben & Jerry!). I'm doing this because I DESERVE BETTER!

And so do the rest of you. We all do.

One of the things I do when I'm craving something, or have that urge (though there really haven't been many...yet) is to drink my water. I'm in the 20 cups a day ballpark. I get about 11 in before I come home from school. And, now that I'm looking at the bottle I use (my green 750 ml Camelbak), it's more than 3 cups per bottle. But, I count 3. I'm drinking so much water that when I'm not eating something, I'm usually full - of water!

I'm experimenting with different vegetables and I'm having so much fun. It's easy to get in a rut - and I certainly do, but I try to do something different each time if I am repeating veggies. I love cooking, so this is my outlet for that. Because soaking oatmeal and chili and adding some zip to them is NOT cooking.

As I head into a new week, I am focused on making everyday an on program day, drinking LOTS of water and treating myself and my body with respect. I wish the same for all of you.

*** 

I needed to come back, because I didn't get to everything that was in my head when responding just...a few minutes ago.

There's a lot that we're working on.  Part of that is our emotions.  Yes.

For me, this is an obvious thing - because I'm going through a major life-changing event.  Granted, it's one that will take a few months to see it's resolution.  But, the past six weeks have been one crazy ride for me.  I won't bore you with the details (see more of my blog if you're interested - you may find a thing or two that could help you, or at least let you know you are not alone on this journey), but I have been digging through my emotions for a bit, now.

Right now, there's no way I could get through even one hour of this program without facing my emotions.  I am making very conscious choices throughout the day, everyday.

It would be REALLY EASY for me to have moved forward from the night my husband told me he wanted a divorce and spent the next few months trying to make myself feel better with cheesecake, pizza, ice cream...frozen custard (if you've never had it - it's amazing, but not something any of us need to be thinking about).  I could have done that, sure.  But, I'd be MORE unhealthy, MORE fat, MORE unhappy, MORE stuck in an unhealthy relationship - with food!

Every day I do things that will make my life better.  Whether it's making my bed as soon as I wake up, doing the dishes when I'm done eating or making my shake, planning my meals, sticking to the list at the grocery store, saying "No, thank you." when offered pizza on three separate occasions this week, telling my friends what I need from them - in regards to support as I go through the divorce and in spending time together and what my choices regarding food will include, telling my parents what I need as far as more or less contact and face-time. 

If I've learned anything (and I'm at the very beginning of all of this), it is that I need to take care of myself.  Oh, yeah...sounds obvious, easy and like it's a given.  Well, that includes a lot more than we think.  I need to advocate for myself.  I need to ask for help.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I need to ASK FOR HELP.  I bet you do, too.

Last weekend - well, a few days before, but who's marking the calendar? - I had a cathartic experience.  I finally hit the point where I was able to talk about the divorce (see blog about putting everything on the table). My family and friends had/still have lots of questions for me.  But, I was able to open up, let people know where I'm at with everything.  Whether it's dealing with the divorce or the food, the people around me need to know what I'm dealing with - how I feel, what my food plan looks like, what a Lean & Green is, what my food looks like, how much I'm willing to share - if they are going to be able to help me through these simultaneous journeys that I am on. 

I did put everything on the table last week.  And, I'm continuing to do so everyday.  I'm continuing to work towards a healthier and happier Jennifer.  If I don't, who will?  And, as much work as this is for me, I have asked the people in my life to help me.  I have even asked my students to stop offering me candy, birthday cupcakes, etc.  They know I love them. They know I'll be happy to celebrate with them - with my bottle of water or a piece of sugar-free gum.

Don't be afraid to include the people around you in your journey.  Whatever it is you're dealing with, it's not just about the food.  We need to take stock of where we are and plan to make everyday better.

If I can, you can.

Now, let's do this!

Medifast, Day #1

Originally Published September 2, 2011

'Twas the Night Before Medifast

It was all quiet in the southside flat.  The laundry was carefully put away.  The dishes were done. The bag for school was packed.

And then - there was the ripping of packets, the measuring of water, the shaking of containers, the checking of labels, and...

I think I'm ready for tomorrow.  

Day #1, Here I Come!

Good Morning!

Oh my!  It's here.  My first day on Medifast.  My first day of powdered meals. 

It's here, alright!  And, guess what!  So is that time of month. 

Yes, seriously!  I can't make this stuff up.

Now, as I'll be popping the occasional pain reliever to ease that pain, I'm hoping the headaches that everyone talks about will leave me alone.  Here's to hoping!

As I was reading through tips for newbies, I saw the recommendation to set reminders on my phone calendar for meal times.  I did that on Tuesday.  Seriously, I scheduled my meals (starting today) on Tuesday.  Think I was anxious to get this started?

This morning my normal alarm went off to get my booty out of bed.  Then, after a few tasks, my breakfast alarm went off.  Ooh!!!  Time for my first Medifast meal.

It was eggs.  Yep.  I chose my first meal to be eggs.  It's breakfast, afterall.  Of course I'm starting with eggs!

Well, if you read my previous post, you know that I had the good sense to have prepped all of my foods with their water alotment before going to bed last night.

I made them on the stove top.  I scraped every little bit of powdered egg as though my life depended on it.  It all made it's way to my adorably polka-dotted pink plate.  And...

It wasn't bad.

In about twenty minutes my mid-morning alarm is going to go off.

What's next?

Oatmeal!

Oh, I've read about the wallpaper paste.  Yep.  I'm prepared.

I'm prepared to post about it - good, bad, indifferent, I'll report back.

Good morning, fellow MFers.  I'm now officially one of you!

Oatmeal #1

This just in...

I finished my first oatmeal. 

I survived to tell the tale.

The bowl is already washed up - I read the posts about NASTY bowls that sit all day.

I just about doubled the water, soaked it overnight, heated it up in 30 second increments, let it sit for a couple of minutes.

It was alright.

NOT 5-Alarm Chili

Day #1 Lunch is the chili. 

It soaked overnight, it got a hit of chili powder, some fresh peppers, and a hit of hot sauce. 

It's not what I'd normally make, but it's alright. 

I made it with additional water, so it's a little soupier than normal...just more to eat.

So far, so good.

Coming Soon...Mid-Afternoon will be a Fruit & Nut Crunch Bar - Dinner is a Lean & Green - 

Evening is a Dutch Chocolate 70 Shake

The Itsy-Bitsy Crunch Bar

Got cut up into about forty itsy bitsy pieces. 

Between every bit, I took a good, long sip of water.

It took my over 25 minutes to eat that itty-bitty bar.

And I can't imagine doing it without the 24+ ounces of water I downed it with.

FYI, it was a Fruit & Nut Crunch Bar and the water was icy cold and it was all good.

Next stop, Lean & Green!

And, Here Comes Hurdle #1

I type this as a woman who has just overcome her first hurdle in her MF journey.

So, I had this great first day of MF.  I woke up, made my MF scrambled eggs, had some oatmeal during my break at school, was chugging my water, had some chili at lunch, more water, the itsy bitsy crunch bar...and I was excited to come home and make my first Lean & Green meal of my journey. 

I even had a phone chat with my health coach when I got home from work.

Then...a knock at the door.  "Jennifer, Do you have power?"

Me...in my head...no power?  How can I make my Creamy Buffalo Chicken Bake with no power?  What am I going to do?

Well, indeed, the power was out...for an hour.  And in that time, I knew my scheduled dinner was coming."

Did I call and order take out?  Did I go to the drive through?  Did I say, "Screw this! It's Friday. It's Wisconsin. I'm going out for Fish Fry?" Nope! 

I switched up the order of my meals and threw in a snack.

I'll be having my chicken back over a pile of greens in a few hours.

I just finished my Dutch Chocolate shake and a few bites of celery with a 1/2 Tbsp. of peanut butter.

Take that, power failure!

I Like it Hot, Hot, HOT!!!

FINALLY!!!

I just finished savoring 3 cups of salad topped with a delightfully large looking serving of the Creamy Buffalo Chicken Bake and I am one happy camper!

Now, I may not have had it when I wanted (dinner) - but it was worth the wait.

Only problem is...I want it for every meal.  I want it everyday.  And, I have a Taco Salad planned for tomorrow because the rest of the family will be having taco ring.  

I think this is a good problem.

Well, kids...Happy Friday Night!

Sweet September

Originally published on September 1, 2011

In my parts it is the first day of school for most of my teacher friends and the children in my life.  Nevermind that I'm about to finish up my fifth week of teaching this school year.

I'm excited for September first because it's a fresh start for so many different things.  It's when our brains start preparing for autumn - my favorite season, the temperatures get a little more comfortable, the central air is off most of the time, and young minds are focused (most of the time) on learning new things.

This September first is special for a completely new reason.  My first Medifast order is coming TODAY!!! 

Yes, I've been following a modified version of the plan since Monday. Yes, weight has been coming off.  And, yes, I am prepared. 

Last night I reread some important plan information, connected with a few more people on the discussion boards, made a few more friends, followed a bunch of Medifast folks on twitter, added my health coach as a facebook friend, and planned my first week of Lean & Greens. 

Yes, the shopping list is ready - with a few important additions - and so am I!

In preparing for my first order and tomorrow being my first day of 5 & 1, I also shared my new journey with my three closest friends.  They have been by my side for many years, through many dating escapades, through a few apartments, through my almost-over marriage, and they all helped me move into my beautiful new flat two weeks ago.  They've been my cycling, running, swimming, triathlon pals over the years - my teaching partners, classmates, inspiration - they're my besties. 

I was a little concerned about how the reactions would go. WHAT was I thinking?

This is my favorite response...

"I was eating lunch Sunday at the Chicago Aquarium and watching the triathalon along the lake through the windows. One of my favorite thoughts of you is that one summer when you were constantly stripping down and jumping in Lake Michigan to swim. I never got to see it for myself, but the thought always makes me smile. I'm excited for you to be in a position where you can start moving that strong body of yours again."

I'm excited, too.

Putting It All On the Table

I've shared with a few friends and family that I am doing Medifast.  So, socially, it's been easy (so far) to control my food in social situations.  

Of course, everyone has lots of questions...what can you eat? what do you eat? when do you eat? you drink how much water a day?  I answer everything and know that by putting it all out there, that I'm setting up for a successful weight loss journey.  The people around me will understand my choices and my needs, and being out and about will continue getting easier as I move through this plan.

Last night, two of my best friends were over for dinner and hours of conversation.  We talked about back-to-school issues, family things, personal things, EVERYTHING.  It was one of the best nights I've had in a while.

Over the course of the past week, having all of this time that I'm not cooking, and all this time alone in my house, I've come to the point where I can share my thoughts and feelings about my divorce (in process).  

I spent the first month of this change in my life focusing on getting logistical matters taken care of - closing the mutual bank account, taking his name off of in-case-of-emergency paperwork, changing who has access to my medical information, finding a new place to live, moving, settling in, and starting to focus on me - again.  

Those first weeks flew by and everyone kept commenting on how strong and amazing I was with how I had been handling the loss of my marriage.

Well, the tide changed somewhere in the past ten days.  The anger that had been occasionally rearing its ugly head for brief appearance had dropped its bags in my house and was staying until I did something about it.

I've had a few opportunities in the past week to spend time with friends and family, and share a little bit - or a lot - of what's going through my head, what the past few months were like, and putting all of my feelings, fears and beliefs on the table.

It was scary to start these conversations, but it's easier moving forward having shared what I'm dealing with and what challenges may be ahead of me.

It doesn't matter whether it's a struggle with a relationship or food, having it all out on the table with the people around you makes the detour to your path much smoother.